The English philosopher and political radical Jeremy Bentham defined happiness as a matter of experiencing pleasure and lack of pain. But how much happiness can any one man feel? It’s a question that has troubled modern science for many years. But thanks to a unique partnership between the University of South Coychurch (formerly Wildmill Polytechnic) and the Pacers, an experiment on Sunday the 24th April would, it was hoped, provide the answer.
Assembling at the new luxury lounge outside Physiques were the result of a cross between Alejandro Valverde and Benjamin Button, Angelo; the man who makes Robert Förstemann self-conscious about his spindly legs, Dave; retired-millionaire playboy, Paul; and me and Nige.
We rolled out through the neutralised zone to Llanharan where the posted route began, primarily to stop the less observant realising they were in for a 95+ mile day. Freewheeling towards Talbot Green we were passed by an elite group of super-Chamblers which sadly only leads to suspicions X-Ray has been signing off dodgy TUEs again.
The University had asked us to ramp up the happiness early in the ride, although “ramping up” had been slightly misinterpreted. We were a little surprised, although of course happy, to start the 25% cobbled climb up to Llantrisant Church. All was going well, and happily, until a car parked in the middle of the road forced us to turn onto the 38% (really!) section of the climb. At this point Paul and Angelo were so happy they had a little sit down and the rest of us took the opportunity to walk to the top to really savour the happiness.
The Garmin equipped among us were able to deliver the news that climb 1 of 14 had been completed and we were on our way through Beddau and over to Pontypridd where the first of the days many appallingly surfaced descents greeted us.
Up through Cilfynydd and along the now popular cycle path through Quakers Yard we avoided the happy climb through Bedlinog with a less well known super-happy ascent from Trelewis. The sun was out and arm warmers were being shed, and it was a relief to have a refreshing breeze over the top where Nige’s rims were doing a passable impression of an America’s Cup competitor.
Some gentle, but still happy ups and downs through Fochrhiw and Ponlottyn and to Tredegar where we began flirting with National Cycle Route 46. Genuinely recommend this as an interesting, mostly well-surfaced, traffic-free route to Abergavenny. Coffee and cake at Coffi Lab, where the happiness was beginning to overwhelm Paul who after several minutes sat outside the café in the sun had to ask where he was.
Worried our endorphins would dip, and that we might not get home before dark we pressed on, keen to start the climb of the Tumble. Nige demonstrated why Di2 is the shifting choice of the professional on one of the early, steep, hairpins by smoothly and rapidly changing gear in the wrong direction, suddenly coming to a halt and nearly being wiped out by a following police van.
From Blaenavon it’s pretty much downhill all the way back to Bridgend, but we didn’t want to pass up another happy rendezvous with the British. Like a warm embrace from an old friend, the corrugated 20% slopes almost define happiness. The bigger-boned amongst us were starting to fret about the state of their brake pads, and musing that perhaps shares in Shimano’s parts division were a driving influence on the route. But there was no need to worry with only the gentle inclines out of Ystrad Mynach onto Bwlch Carnygelli and the long, perhaps slightly twisty, bomb-cratered, gravel strewn track down to Senghenydd. And while, granted, it did look like Angelo had dislocated a finger with the vibrations he was secretly happy. So just the almost imperceptible rise to Eglwysllan between us and feet up infront of the Liège–Bastogne–Liège highlights.
Hard to imagine a happier ride. As Nige pointed out, we are always enjoying ourselves while cycling. It’s only the degree of enjoyment that varies. A dig, I assume, at the Aberdare loop. Calls to make this a once a month route were perhaps the result of over exuberance, but as ever everyone agreed the route planning was exemplary.
