Theo de Rooij was interviewed at the end of the 1985 Paris Roubaix, "It's a bollocks, this race. You're working like an animal, you don't have time to p***, you wet your pants. You're riding in mud like this, you're slipping ... it's a pile of shit".
Asked if he’d ride again he replied, "Sure, it's the most beautiful race in the world!"
And so to the Social/Chasers/Pacers café meet up ride. Forgive me if I’ve missed anyone. I usually write up Pacers rides and remembering four names including my own is generally sufficient. So I think, out this morning were Andy, Rich B, Rich L, Mark B, Paul L, Paul R, Nige, Tim, Scott and me. Mark J was waiting in Ewenny because riding all the way to Brackla is a tremendous effort.
The forecast was pretty poor with either cloud, drizzle or real rain predicted for the whole day and so It was no surprise to see at least half the bikes with no mudguards. Not even one of those little chopped up milk bottles Mark Rosser must buy in bulk from Ali Baba. Also an alarming number of knees on show for a day in the wet at 9C.
With the route designed by master routist, Andy, the objective was to visit all the towns and villages in the Vale of Glamorgan that start with Llan. The Pacers ride began with an additional spin round the coast through Ogmore by Sea before Nige confidently stated the map was wrong and there was no left turn before the Farmer’s Arms at St Brides. Just before the Farmer’s Arms at St Brides we turned left and for the first time of many today the words, “well I’ve never been down here before” were uttered.
I’d usually try to describe the route a little. But if you’ve ever seen the experiment where they give a spider caffeine and get it to build a web you’ll be able to visualise it. Much like the sort of route you’d take to disorientate your kidnap victim locked in the boot of your car (Paul told me) we passed through some Llans loosely connected by “roads”, some as wide as 2 metres, with occasional stretches of tarmac.
Not too far short of Barry, and after the drizzle had been doing it’s best heavy rain impression for half an hour or so we caught up with Scott and two others (possibly Mark J, and someone else – sorry, it was hard to see through the spray). Scott explained that they had turned off the route and were heading home; hard to hear but I think it was something about chipped nail polish and a damp petticoat. I had to break the bad news that they were in fact still on course.
A few hundred yards up the road we caught the Chambler peleton and rode with them towards some Llan or other. By the time we reached Barry a number of people remembered they had left the iron on, it was their wife’s birthday, they’d locked their incontinent dog in the room with the white sofa and sadly had to leave us to attend to their domestic maladies.
We arrived at the coffee stop in Dinas Powys with only 5 riders. Andy, Tim, Nige, Paul R, and me. The Old Bank is to be recommended. Nice coffee, and I managed to snaffle the last bit of carrot cake before Tim could get it. Setting off in the pouring rain we looped out to take a picture of a village sign for Michaelstone-Le-Pit, which also has a Llan name. Because this is a normal and entirely sensible way to spend your Sunday.
Nige, Paul and I pulled away from Tim and Andy before Wenvoe, and studiously followed Andy’s published route up and down a few steep hills and through villages with a disappointing paucity of Llan themed nomenclature. It turned out the other two had “optimized” the route and Andy was rightly punished for his indiscretion with a hole in his tyre after an entertaining descent of a finger width road apparently constructed from the contents of Ogmore-by-Sea beach. Stopping to console Andy and offer helpful tyre changing tips we also noticed the kind of delamination a rubber enthusiast might describe as sub-optimal. And then we were four.
Just 20 miles of Kafkaesque (I once read the summary on the back cover of The Castle) navigation, with a second coffee stop in Cowbridge to prevent me succumbing to hypoglycaemia, and we were rolling back into Bridgend. I always say the route planning was excellent, but today it really was. Not an easy amble but loads of new roads and despite the weather a good day out.
